I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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