I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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