i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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