my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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