that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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