I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
