closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
