dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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