I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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