the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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