I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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