hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
