My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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