I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
