I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
