There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
