It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
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Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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