operation harelip BJ is a go
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
