you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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