I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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