My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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