so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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