i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
