Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
People with herpes should wear stickers.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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