Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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