I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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