Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
