rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
