I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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