I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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