also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the condom got lost in my hair
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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