On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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