Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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