So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
