if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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