just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
