Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
