Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
