i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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