she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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