Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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