After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
