I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
