Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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