pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
