I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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