ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
