I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
