Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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