some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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