Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
