How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
