Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
