I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
