"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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