I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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