Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
