I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
