My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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