i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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