____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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