She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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