i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
