I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
