i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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