Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
