I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
