I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize