I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
