It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
