This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
