I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
