The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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