I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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