can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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