I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
