All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
