Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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