After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
