Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
