Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Floor bacon is actually really good
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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