Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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